Torn Apart
by DaemonicKitten
Summary: Dean's thoughts on the disappearance and reappearance of Cas, and finding out about Sam drinking demon blood.


**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything.

**Title** : Working Title is **Two Families Torn Apart** because as far as I've seen, two families _were_ torn apart at the end of this episode. Jimmy's and Dean's. But I think I got that title from another story, so I'm changing the title to **Torn Apart**. Um, does that make any sense? :S

**Summary** : Dean's thoughts on the disappearance and reappearance of Cas (sorry, I don't know the name of the episode), and finding out about Sam drinking demon blood.

**Note** : I've never written Dean's POV before, and I don't know how I'd do, but this idea came to me after watching the most recent episode of Supernatural, where Jinny Novak makes his appearance. The episode left a bitter taste in my mouth, with Dean's world practically going to hell (pun not intended), what with Sam drinking demon blood and Cas acting like an ass in the end, so... I hope I didn't butcher this.

I haven't read too many fanfictions, but I sincerely hope to God I haven't ended up copying anyone's ideas.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. :) I edited a small part thanks to **RhiannonNymph**.

**Legend** :

"Speaking"

_Thoughts_

**Flashbacks/Visions/Dreams**

**(Scene/POV Changes)**

**Warning** : Rated 'T' for some foul language.

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Two families torn apart. Mine and poor Jimmy Novak's.

My family was already falling apart. I never really knew my mother, she died when I was so young. My father was only in my life once in a blue moon, and never for long. I only recently found out I had another brother, Adam, only to find out he'd been killed by Ghouls because of who he was. And now.... I was loosing the only family I had left.

No, that's not entirely true, I guess. I still had Bobby, but... It wasn't the same. Bobby was a friend, not my brother.

_Screw Heaven!_

I watched as Bobby closed and locked the heavy steel door, locking Sam in the safe room where he was to ride out withdrawls from the demon blood. I felt almost numb. There should have been pain. There should have been fear, but... There wasn't. That thing screaming to be let out wasn't the Sammy I knew. He was my biological brother, but for a moment, when I saw the blood on his mouth, all I wanted to do was hunt him.

Amazing how the all powerful angels couldn't see this coming. They didn't warn me. Well, they warned me he was up to something, but not _what_. They didn't do anything to stop him, or cure him... Where was their all-amazing power when I needed it?

_Screw Angels!_

I watched my brother suck the blood right out of a possessed woman's neck. He did so, as if he didn't care there were others around, and I suddenly knew what Ruby was doing and why she was so damn important to my brother. Everything fell into place and made all of too much sense. His mouth was ringed with blood, and he stared at me, only the faintest hint of shame in his eyes. Then he raised his hand and used his renewed powers to pull a demon out of Jimmy's wife.

There was no looking back for him. He didn't seem to realize or care that he'd crossed the line.

_Screw Castiel!_

He stood beside me, in the body of Jimmy's little girl. His look was digusted, much like I felt when I realized...Sam was gone. I didn't know the man standing before me, but it sure as hell wasn't my little brother! The Sam I knew would _never_ have stooped so low. This... This wasn't Sam.

_Cas..._

I watched as Castiel knelt down in the small girl's body, brushing the hair out of Jimmy's face and telling him about how they always kept their promises. He spoke so softly and his eyes, through the visage of the young girl, spoke volumes of love and adoration. For a moment, I could really see the angellic-ness about him...or her... Whatever. He told Jimmy he could finally rest with their true father, but Jimmy read the unspoken words.

'Your time is up, I have a new vessel.'

Ok, so maybe that was a harsh way to interpret it, but I think I wasn't the only one who saw it. Jimmy's eyes widened when he realized that his daughter would be taking his place. The little girl who was barely thirteen would become a vessel for an angel. She'd be locked in the back of her own mind, going through hell. She'd be shot, stabbed, burned and healed. She'd feel the pain and helplessness.

Jimmy refused. I wasn't surprised. I would have done the same thing in his place. Though he had a hole in his stomach, nothing, _nothing_ was going to stop him from making Castiel take him back. I could see his stubborn refusal to leave, knowing what hell he'd be condemning his little girl to. There was no way he'd let Castiel put his daughter through that.

Hell, there was no way I'd _let_ Castiel do that! She was just a _little girl_!

But... This wasn't Castiel. This wasn't the same Cas I'd come to know. No, this man... This..._angel_ was a stranger to me.

_That wasn't Cas. No, Castiel is back._

My friend was gone. I saw it in his eyes, and I heard it in his tone.

**Flashback**

"I learned my lesson while I was gone. I serve Heaven." Castiel, once again in Jimmy's body, looked back at me. His eyes were cold and void of any emotion. "I don't serve humanity and I certainly don't serve you."

**End Flashback**

_I never said you did._ I thought, as I brought the beer bottle up to my lips. What 'lesson' did he have to learn? He hadn't even done anything wrong. _Why would you think that? I only ever saw you as a friend, but I guess that's moot point, now._ I frowned as I tossed the empty beer bottle aside and drew another one. I wasn't only losing family now, but friends, too it seemed.

It recalled when he'd helped me with Sammy's so-called 'union' with Lillith, and then I hadn't seen him for a long time after. Had he gotten in trouble for telling me that? But he hadn't _done_ anything! I prayed for it! I prayed for his help and gave him an ultimatum he _couldn't_ refuse. If anyone should have been in trouble for that, it should have been me. Not him.

The demons were jackasses. Enough said. But the angels... Maybe I was drunker than I thought, or maybe I was just beyond pissed, but for the moment, all I could think of was how much worse than demons Castiel seemed in that one moment.

Two families torn apart.

My family was all gone to shit. Everyone I knew seemed to die or disappear. Everyone I cared about left me in some way or another. I felt abandoned, alone.

I couldn't help the bitter laugh that escaped me as I took another mouthful of beer. _The old Cas probably would have heard that and come preaching about how God loved me. As if! God doesn't 'love' me. He _needs_ me. There's a difference._ It actually wasn't surprising that the new, cold-hearted Castiel didn't show up.

Jimmy's family had to deal with the fact that they'd lost him...forever. Again, too. They were blissfully unaware of what was going on the first time. The first time, he went back with the story he'd been in a mental institution, trying to get better. Now they knew better. Now they didn't have the luxury of not knowing. He'd been possessed, without even a chance to say goodbye, and he was never coming back.

He wasn't given a _real _choice.

Heaven tore apart two families today. I'm not surprised about my own. I think...for a while, I kind of expected it. Jimmy's.... Well, was it bad I kind of wanted to smack Castiel a good one for tearing them up? I mean, seriously. Couldn't he have chosen some devout holier-than-thou homeless guy with no family or future?

I finished off the second bottle and reached for a third. "Come on, guys." I looked up at the ceiling. "You can't honestly tell me that out of six billion humans on this world, only _two_ had the 'blood type' you were looking for?" Shaking my head, I groaned and leaned back on Bobby's couch. "Never mind. I don't..." I had been about to say I didn't care, but that was a lie. "I don't wanna know."

As I drank my third beer, I listened and found Sam's screams had stopped. Part of me worried, but Bobby was watching over him. I was certain _he'd_ call if there was a problem. I was sorely tempted to say 'Screw the mission' and just go on my own way, killing any and all demons I crossed, like I used to. But I knew the angels wouldn't let that be.

But would it be such a bad thing? They'd taken everything away from me. Everything I ever had was gone out the window. I knew we were losing the battle to protect the seals.

Again, Heaven's fault.

They kept all the information they had until the very last possible moment, and it was causing us to lose seals. If we were losing anyways, what was the point to keep fighting?

"Dean."

A loud, low groan escaped my mouth and I lowered my....fourth? Sixth? Whatever. I lowered my beer to my lap to look into emotionless blue eyes, as Castiel stood against the wall, across the room from me. "What?" I knew the tone was rude, but again, I just didn't care at the moment.

Castiel's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, but he remained otherwise motionless. "We have work for you."

_Again, not my Cas._ This time it was a sigh that escaped my mouth, even as Castiel seemed to stare at me with a hint of confusion. "Like I care." I lifted my beer and made to drink it, only to grimace when instead I found myself drinking salt water. "Dude! That's so not cool!" I put the bottle down on the table. "You _never_ mess with a man's alcohol!" _What crawled up your ass and died?_

"There is a seal nearby-"

"My brother's in the basement, suffering from demon-blood withdrawls." As if the holy-pains-in-the-ass didn't realize that already.

Castiel pushed away from the walls. "That is of no consequence."

"Screw you!" That was my brother. Even if he was more stranger than brother to me, I was going to stay here and try to help him, whether or not the dicks liked it.

Now the light next to me flickered and Castiel's eyes narrowed dangerously. He took a step forward, his expression grim and foreboding. "Watch your tongue Dean Winchester."

"Or what? You'll send me to hell? You'll go after my brother? See, here's what I realize." I grabbed the last beer and gave the angel a dark glare before uncapping it and taking a wary taste. When I realized it _was_ beer, I drank heartily as I thought about my words carefully...for once. "You can't do shit. You pulled me outta hell, 'cause I'm the _only_ one who can stop the apocalypse, right?"

Castiel remained quiet.

"You went through all that trouble, so obviously, you _can't _simply send me back to hell. And if you lay so much as a finger on Sam-" I was struck with the irony that I was protecting the same man I'd thought of hunting, myself, however briefly. "Then you'll _have_ to send me back to hell, 'cause I guarantee that if you hurt him, Lucifer will be the last of your worries."

The light next to me exploded, but I must have been pretty out of it. I didn't even flinch. The lights in the kitchen also exploded, and a hard wind rocked the house.

"All of this? It's your fault." I stood up now, glaring at the angel. "So if you want my help, you'll back off for now. Got it?" _I just...need time to sort through all this._ I frowned as Castiel seemed to relax ever so slightly. His anger seemed to fade a little, but he remained in the room. "What now? I already told you I'm not seal hunting at the moment." I grinned. "Besides, I've been drinking and I don't drink and drive."

Ok, so that wasn't _entirely_ true, but either way I wasn't going.

A sigh of his own escaped his mouth and Castiel seemed to find the floor tiles appealing for several moments. When I sat back down and continued to work on my new beer, he finally looked up, his expression reading of torment. "I _am_ sorry, Dean." In a flash of light and a flutter of wings, he disappeared, a small note of white paper laying on the table.

When I opened it up, I saw that it was an address and instructions for protecting another seal. I folded it back up and stuck it in my pocket, before thinking about what he'd said. His last words had shocked me.

'I _am_ sorry, Dean'.

Not 'Dean Winchester'. Just...Dean.

_Cas?_ That had sounded like my Cas, and for a brief moment I realized that...he must have still been in there. But... What was he sorry for? The apocalypse? My suffering? Jimmy's? Sam's?

Shaking my head, I looked at the table and over to Bobby's kitchen. I downed the last of my beer, gathering the bottles, and dumping them in the trash. I took the beer-turned-salt-water to the sink and dumped it, and went to the cupboards to look for Bobby's stash.

"I seriously need some of the good stuff."

For tonight, I was done thinking.

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Ok, so... This episode left a bad taste in my mouth. While I want to stick to 'screw you' with the way Castiel was acting when he came back, at the same time, I don't want to put Dean going dark-side like Sam.

Hope you like it.

R+R please

Thank you

Tenshi


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